The Call of the Red-winged Blackbird

I have read a lot about depression. I have personal experience with it, both as a counselor/social worker, and from my own diagnosis.  The information can be confusing, to say the least, but here I am adding my voice, for what it’s worth.

I want to share just a little from my personal experience, starting with today.  Today I would say I felt moderately depressed; on a scale of one to ten (ten being the worst) I was probably at a seven.  I have been unemployed for almost a year, I’m in my 50’s, my face is not the face of the young girl I identify with, and I live alone.  Most of the time I am content with myself and my life, but sometimes all the negatives crash in.  Still. I got myself to apply for a job online, take care of some personal business, and decided I had to get out of the house. Today was a sunny, cool and breezy spring day.   After going to the store I went to a nearby nature center.  I live in a major city but am fortunate to be a short drive from several nature centers, parks, and forest preserves.

When I pulled into the parking lot I was going to sit in the car and let myself cry and feel sorry for myself, just for a little bit.  But hearing the birds, seeing the fresh green of new leaves just opening, and feeling the sunshine changed my mood. I got out of the car, started walking, and I heard it.   It’s a melodic two note sound; a low ”tooo “ followed by a high “weet” --  a haunting sound.  I looked up and there he was in a tree, a red-winged blackbird. And instantly I felt joy, and all the sadness and hopelessness was temporarily forgotten.

What a relief. 

I went for a walk.  I saw a mother and her young son, and as I walked by them something flew over my head. “It’s a butterfly” the boy said, and tried to follow it.   I saw trees with white blossoms, some with pink and white ones, and one with deep pink flowers.  In the pond, geese were sticking their rear ends up as they searched for food underwater.  And I said a little prayer of thanks for nature, and for being able to easily experience these things. 

“Mindfulness’ is a big catchphrase these days.  It annoys the heck out of me; these popular phrases usually do.  I remember when everyone was using the term “cutting edge”- it made me want to cut something.  And lately everyone is saying they are “down with that”. But I digress.

What does mindfulness mean? Well as far as I can tell, it basically means paying attention – to what is around one, and to what is inside.   This is not a bad thing, not at all; in fact I’m in favor of it. I have personally learned to take stock of what I am feeling, to sit with that feeling, and to acknowledge it.  As far as the outside, I do tend to notice and appreciate my surroundings, and I’m often slow and mindful as I perform a task (though sometimes I am just slow).  But in my opinion, mindfulness doesn’t always make one feel better.  What if there are car alarms going off?  What if I have a cold and my nose is running?  I can certainly notice those things, but paying attention to them is likely to make me feel worse.

When I’m out in nature, it’s easy to be mindful of every little thing – the butterflies and geese, the reeds moving in the water, the call of the blackbird.  Out in nature, paying attention comes, well, naturally.  Yet I find myself thinking how odd it is to say “out in nature”, or when people say they “like nature”, as if it’s a specific category in life.  Nature IS life.  It’s what we come from, where we go to, are a part of.   We have taken nature and put it into a category, into “centers” to “preserve” it.  It reminds me of the science fiction movie “Silent Running” where the last of the forests on earth were put into domes and sent into space, to be preserved for the future. 

Perhaps I am exaggerating, since I live in an urban area.   I know many areas of our country, our planet, are more “natural”.  Still, few areas are unchanged by man.  For myself, I prefer natural nature to a manicured lawn and a nice garden in the suburbs (not that I would reject living that way, if given the chance).  I prefer the wild.  It invigorates my soul, it washes away sadness, doubt, despair, and anxiety – it puts me directly in touch with a power greater than myself. 

I believe that one major reason for the rise in depression diagnoses is this loss of connection to the natural world. I believe it is one reason so many people are so devoted to their pets. Being around animals is a great way to connect with the natural world. Even if they are domesticated, animals all have some wildness in them, and it is a proven fact that pets help people with depression.  

Almost any kind of connection is good for people with depression (unless it is abusive).

More people are living alone than ever before. I am one of them.  Most of the time I do not feel lonely, because I have my pets, because I have a good support system of friends and family, and because I have somehow, after years of therapy and support groups and medication (and I still make use of some of these) I have gotten in touch with a sense that I am ‘part of’ a larger whole and therefore not alone.  I am one of many struggling with isolation, unemployment, debt, trouble getting motivated, and many more challenging human situations.  In my previous employment, before I was laid off I talked to people every day that were poor, chronically depressed, and isolated from society. I was able to lift their spirits a little bit, just by being there to listen and to understand.

Now, I see I did not write about depression, not really.  I wanted to discuss the issues of medication vs. no medication, the complexities of western culture, the need for ‘talk therapy’ (which is often more about being heard by another human being than anything else) and more.  But all I can really say is what has helped me. All of the above and more have helped. Yet I can’t help but think about that blackbird with its little spot of red on the wing, and how I knew when I heard his song that spring was truly here, and it was like coming home.   And I hope everyone can find a red-winged blackbird to call them home.

Occupy Chicago!

This is what I've been doing lately. Oh, I'm not a full time occupier. Chicago has not had a camp anyway. But I've been marching here and there - especially last fall when the weather was nice - and involved a little bit. Taking some photos. There are many more, better, photos out there, but these are some of mine.

A small rant

Well, I've decided to use this blog to experiment and just say and do whatever comes to mind. And what comes to mind at this moment is most likely an unpopular thought. But what the heck!
 

Here in Chicago we had another cop shot by some thug with a criminal record. I don't know if the details are important -- it happens, unfortunately, too frequently. In this case the officer was shot by his own weapon while in the police station parking lot. (I still wonder how that happened.)

The police officer was a well-liked man who helped train new cadets. There has been coverage on the news every day since the shooting happened, including of the memorial and many grieving friends and relatives. It was a senseless death.

What bothers me is that senseless deaths occur all the time, but we only hear about it when the "good" person is shot. An innocent child, caught by a random bullet. An honor student, caught in some gang crossfire. The news loves to portray people grieving for their loved ones -- but not if the victim is one of the "bad" guys. The gang members that get killed are not covered.

What happens when a gang member gets killed? Well I will tell you. The family mourns, friends grieve, and they get tattoos in honor of their fallen "homey". "RIP" with the person's name, and a stylized cross, is the usual choice. The gang members drink, and pour out liquor in honor of the dead. And they become angry. Angrier than before, and more full of emotional pain, because no one cares but their own kind. They know that their friend was more than just a gang banger. They know that he was a helpful son, or loving big brother, or loyal friend. They know that he had good qualities as well as bad. Just like other human beings.

Because the media emphasize how right it is to honor and remember the "good" guys, by omission they enhance our demonization of the "bad" guys. This only perpetuates the cycle of anger, feelings of separation and isolation that young people and the poor, or of anyone who is what I call part of an "underground" culture.

Anything that enhances an "us" vs "them" attitude is not helpful when it comes to trying to put a stop to the violence. To give credit to some media, the local ABC station recently did a series where a reporter went along with gang members at night, and filmed what it was like on the streets. I wish they would go farther. I wish they would talk to them about the losses they suffer, both from deaths and from loved ones being in jail or prison. I wish they would talk to some family members.

When I was in graduate school, I had an internship with an agency on the south side that organized a yearly youth/police forum. A number of meetings were held, with at-risk kids from local high schools and area police officer in attendance. The goal was to try to communicate, and to understand each other. I can't say for sure how successful this was, but I can say I have rarely seen teenagers so attentive.

It is sad that the police officer lost his life due to senseless violence. I think most violence is senseless. Especially since the cops and the criminals, in most cases, are more alike than different.

This dude knows what he's talking about

Check it out:

Gen. Barry McCaffrey: Breaking Our Addiction to Prison

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Here's the thing: I've been to prison. OK, I've not actually been locked up but I have been to visit someone at one prison, and picked someone up when they were released from another. I have also been a visitor more times than I can count at Cook County Jail, and have been inside parts of the jail and the boot camp. Talk about a field trip! This was for a class in my Master's program entitled "Social Services in Corrections". So these experiences qualify me as ... well, someone who has seen a little bit of the corrections system. I use the term "corrections" loosely.

Having spent some time working with juvenile "delinquents" who often turned into adult "criminals" I can tell you that almost all the youth I worked with had substance abuse problems. This was not a coincidence since I was a substance abuse counselor, but the facts are the facts. As the article says, most people convicted of crime have substance abuse problems. (They are also likely to have mental health issues, which often goes hand in hand with addiction.) And then there is alcohol! Alcohol is one of the most dangerous substances there is. I have known many people (including myself) who have committed insane or criminal behavior while under the influence.

There are comments about the article that complain that drug courts are not a solution because they don't address the root of the problem. That's true. The best solution for all of it is prevention. The short version of which would be, I suppose, making sure that everyone has enough of everything they need. Yet even if that were possible I don't know if it would prevent addition; a very definition of addiction is that enough is never enough.

There are a lot of advocates of legalizing drugs who think that it would prevent the crime problem. I just don't know about that. I am not opposed to the idea -- but it would take a huge amount of change in our bureaucratic system. Who would sell the stuff? Who would set the price? Would it be regulated on a state or federal level? You get the idea.

The second issue I have is: what happens if they can't afford all the drugs they need or want? Wouldn't there still be crime in order to obtain cash? This could be true even with a "harmless" substance such as marijuana, and can be true for those who don't have money for their cigarettes and alcohol. There are many less than legal ways to make money other than drug dealing. Criminals can be very innovative.




Finally, the use of substances can change a person's behavior. Someone using crack, for example, may behave violently even if that person were using legal crack. And I won't even mention the damage that drug use can cause to human relationships!

Drug courts are an after-the-fact solution, but they are a step up from simply locking people up who have little hope of a future. At least they provide an opportunity to be accountable, to learn about recovery, and to be introduced to a different way of life.

While I agree with the General, I think he left out the most important point. And that is: the majority of all criminals get OUT of prison eventually. Therefore, they are being released back into mainstream society with no skills, no recovery, no rehabilitation, and little or no support. OK, I think he did actually make this point. Still, it can't hurt to restate the obvious.

I found a bunny rabbit

I found this little guy in front of my building!

Here he is about 2 weeks later - a bit healthier & fattened up.

About 2 years later